What Parenting Peacefully Really Looks Like 🌱

Hi Reader,

If you've been following discussions around parenting, you've probably noticed that the term "peaceful parenting" often gets a bad rap. It’s frequently misunderstood and wrongly equated with "permissive parenting"—the idea that it means walking on eggshells, giving in to your child's every whim, and forcing yourself to stay calm even when you’re about to explode.

So this week, let’s take a moment to dive into what peaceful parenting really means, with some clear examples to guide us.

Peaceful parenting isn’t about appearing calm on the outside while feeling overwhelmed inside. It's about recognising the child beyond the behaviour and understanding that behind every tantrum, every sigh, there’s a child navigating their own emotions.

And here’s the best part: this approach truly works. 💡

Let’s explore how you can foster connection and emotional understanding in your parenting journey, without sacrificing boundaries or your well-being.

My child comes home upset… and I don’t give advice. 😞
What might happen in a reactive moment: Your child comes through the door, crying about something that happened at school, and you immediately jump into “fix-it” mode.
​Peaceful shift: Instead of offering advice, I sit with them and simply listen. I reflect back their feelings with empathy. “I can see that was really hard for you,” I say, giving them space to express themselves.
​Why this works: The mirroring effect in the brain helps your child feel understood and less alone in their emotions. By simply validating their feelings, you allow their brain to feel safe, which opens the door for connection. 🧠

My 6-year-old has a meltdown about something small… and I don’t cancel their playdate. 🙇‍♀️
What might happen in a reactive moment: Your child gets upset over something small, like not being able to have the toy they wanted, and you threaten to cancel their playdate as punishment.
​Peaceful shift: Instead of reacting with consequences, I pause and validate their feelings. "It's OK to feel upset that you can't have the toy. I get it." I might offer a hug or help them take deep breaths. After all, they’re likely struggling with a bigger emotional need. (What I don’t do… is give them the toy! But I also understand that no one loves not getting their own way!)
​Why this works: Co-regulation is a powerful tool—your calm presence helps regulate their nervous system. When we give kids space to feel the emotion (without backing down or giving in...), they learn that being told no is hard... but it’s also OK. Over time, they learn to cope with disappointment without it feeling like the end of the world. When we meet their disappointment with anger and punish them for it, they learn that being told no is AWFUL. 🤯

My teenager gives me attitude… and I make them a hot chocolate. 😒☕
What might happen in a reactive moment: Your teen gives you attitude, and it’s hard not to match their energy or feel hurt. You may want to lecture or argue back.
​Peaceful shift: Instead of reacting, I give them space, then maybe take them something comforting, like a hot chocolate, and ask gently, "Do you want to talk about what’s going on?" I choose connection over correction.
​Why this works: Teenagers often experience a flood of hormones and emotions, which can lead to challenging behaviour. By offering them a nurturing gesture, you're letting their brain know they’re safe and loved, reducing their stress response and helping them open up. 🍫

The Science Behind It All​
By recognising the underlying emotions—tiredness, sadness, insecurity—behind the behaviour, we shift from a punishment-based mindset to a connection-based mindset. 🌱
When our children are upset, the part of their brain responsible for controlling impulses and making decisions often goes ‘offline’. When we respond calmly, we help bring that brain region back online, allowing them to think more clearly.
Co-regulation (the process of one person helping another regulate their emotions) is key for emotional development, especially for young children and teens.

The Takeaway:​
Parenting peacefully isn’t about being perfect—it’s about choosing connection over reaction, understanding over judgment, and showing ourselves empathy, too. With practice, this approach transforms both our relationship with our kids and their ability to regulate their emotions in the long run. 🌈

I’d love to hear from you! 💬
How do you choose connection over reaction in your home? Hit reply and share your experiences with me!

Love

Fiona

P.S. The true goal of peaceful parenting is mastering your own reactivity... but that’s a whole other newsletter! 😉

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Journal Prompt What emotions or behaviours in your child tend to trigger you the most?

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